The dogs furiously started barking at the door, like they always do when someone walks on the front porch. Sam, zoey and little nino barking partly because there was a noise coming from the porch, but mostly because they hoped it was Ian or Megan coming home to see them. The dogs are like that... every time. But this was mid morning on Friday, December 15th about 10:30. It might be Ian, probably not Megan.
I was still in my pajamas. I haven't had much call to get dressed lately. I can just sit at the computer and work most of the day. There wasn't much work worth doing anyway. Things have been really tough for the last few years, and the last couple of months had been torture. I was angry, depressed, sad and for the most part disillusioned with the universe. Nothing had been going my way for a long time. Just a week before, I remembered thinking that for the all the shit in my life - at least I have my kids safe and healthy.
As I walked toward the door from my bedroom office, I noticed out the windows two vehicles parked in the driveway. One was a Sheriff. The other was a small SUV that I thought for a moment said "Truant Officer". "Oh great" I thought, "what has Ian done now!". Time started slowing down as I walked down the stairs toward the door. I could see through the louvered windows the shape of three men, two in Sheriff uniforms. My heart quickened as it has before when I have to face the law.
"What is it this time? Am I being served papers? Is someone suing us because of Spwipes? Did one of the kids get in trouble last night? Why else would a truant officer be here? It must be about the kids. What did Ian do this time!" My thoughts quickened trying to find the answer before I discovered what the truth was. "Quick" I thought, "pick some trouble that's not too bad. What do I say? Why is this happening again? What is the deal!!!"
As I opened the door I became aware that my hands were sweaty and my heart was beating faster and faster.
The man standing directly in front of me wasn't in a uniform, but he had something sewn on his jacket that I assumed said "Truant Officer", or something that would match the vehicle in the driveway. The two guys standing behind him were both Placer County Sheriffs deputies in full uniform. I was expecting the worst but hoping for something minor. "Why do they need three guys?" I wondered.
"Are you Peter Oakes?" Asked the man in front of me. I was increasingly nervous and waiting for the words "I am with the IRS, we are here to take you away". But why would a truant officer be here for a business issue?" I thought quickly. "It must be that Ian isn't at school" my brain dashed to a dozen conclusions "that's stupid. Ian is in Jr. College and they don't send truant officers out for college students".
"Yes I am" I replied to the man.
My eyes jetted around to each man and I became aware that they were not angry or aggressive. I had been in this situation before, but they were always "cops" before, ready to tell me what someone did wrong or who was in trouble. This was different. Very different.
As I looked past the man in front of me and the officers behind him, I could see the SUV. My brain was struggling to focus on what was written on the side of the vehicle. "Chaplain" it said, not "Truant". But why would a chaplain be here to tell me that Ian didn't go to school today? This doesn't make any sense.
"Is your wife here?" asked the man. "Would you please get her?"
"Is this about the kids?" I asked with an increasing tremor in my voice. I could feel the back of my legs tightening up and my knees getting weak.
"Would you please get your wife" he said, "I have to talk with both of you, please".
I nodded my head yes, opened the door to move back inside and gestured them to come inside. The dogs were barking like crazy now. Three strange men coming in our house! This is cause for a real chorus of barking from the three dogs. The men entered the living room and I headed back to Kelley's bedroom. I could hear one of the officers talking to the dogs. "Calm down" I heard one officer say, "it's ok".
Kelley and I had been having major problems in our marriage and had just decided a week before to end it. 'Divorce', 'Quit hurting', 'Tell the Universe to stop the pain'.
Kelley was in the small bathroom that is attached to her bedroom. It's a tight fit even for a small person like Kelley. The hair dryer was loud and she was concentrating on each pull of the brush. If you know Kelley, you know that her hair is worth the effort she puts in every day.
I walked past the half open door. "Kelley" I half yelled to get over the sound of the hair dryer. "Kelley" I yelled again, this time scaring her like a bad scene in a horror movie. "What! You scared me" she said as she turned the hair dryer away from her head.
"You need to come with me now! RIGHT NOW!" I commanded. Kelley knows me well enough after nearly twenty years together to know that something was wrong. She turned off the hair dryer and looked at me with a mix of concern and angst. "What?" she asked. "There are Sheriffs here and they want to talk to both of us. I don't know about what, but they want to talk to both of us." I said with a shaky voice. I could see the look on Kelley's face change. We walked out of the bathroom and then the bedroom toward the three men.
"Would you both sit down on the couch please" the man without the uniform said softly. "What is this about?" one of us asked. I don't remember which one said the words, but we both were thinking the question with increasing alarm. "PLEASE, sit down" the man said again. The tone of his voice was different than anything I had ever heard. Perhaps I had seen this in a movie, or the way someone might describe a scene in a book about a situation you have no control over. "Please" he said again.
Kelley and I sat down, looking at the three men and then at each other, and then back at the man standing in front of us. He took a step toward us and then slowly dropped to one knee right in front of us. He put his hands out and touched both of our knees and began to speak. Time stopped.
"I am so sorry to inform you...... your son Ian was killed in a car accident this morning."
